I invite you to make a purchase below
Electric Lemon Stomach Coaster™
Times are tough in the music business these days. So tough that Morning Guts has had to resort to more creative forms of revenue. And that's where you come in!
Do you have unsightly rings on your beloved table-tops? Or do you secretly long for an item in your house that's only 6mm tall? Maybe you just want a brightly-coloured square in your apartment as a conversation starter because conversations are so exceedingly difficult to start these days, what with the economy and all?
Listen, I don't care. It doesn't matter. Your reasons are your own. What I will say is this, you could do a lot worse than purchasing and hosting this limited edition Electric Lemon cork-back drink-disc™ in your abode. It just makes sense!
Confetti Heaven Stomach Coaster™
Some cultures call it "The Terrordome", others, "The Rage Cage". Around my place we call it "Confetti Heaven" and it's less a physical location than a shared state of collective wonderment. It takes years of solemn devotion to reach that plane, or at least it used to.
Buy now before it's too late!This colorful drink-disc™ isn't *guaranteed* to deliver you there, but it'll certainly get sweaty trying to pave the way. You don't even need to be imbibing an umbrella drink or anything festive like that. This little guy does the hard work of loosening your tie no matter what your drink of choice.
And then you're home-free, big dawg. Watch your worries effervesce up through the ether like some ancient mist. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. Come on in, the water's fine (and off your table-tops.)
True Blue Stomach Coaster™
Do you have a problem with unsightly condensation rings atop your vintage furniture? Have I got the solution for you.
Limited supply!The True Blue Stomach Coaster is part of a set of cork-back drink-discs™ released by electronic music artist Morning Guts. Times are tough in the music industry, but the drink industry is a-boomin'. Over 57% of people report enjoying a refreshing beverage every single day!
The True Blue Stomach Coaster is stylish and fun and keeps a protective membrane between your table tops and sweaty drinks and asks nothing in return. Except the money.
Comforting Orbs Stomach Coaster™
Are you finding your herbal tea is just not comforting enough? We've all been there, hombre. I come home from a long day at the [blank] and just wanna put my feet up and be comforted by every single element of my home. A hanging plant. A foot-burnished ottoman. Django Reinhardt on the turntable. One of those dogs that always looks sad. I even want my *coaster* to give me existential comfort. It's scary out there!
Purchase today!The Comforting Orbs Stomach Coaster is part of a set of drink-discs™ released by electronic music artist Morning Guts, and it's guaranteed to shift you down a few gears.
It's like a lava lamp, but instead of giving guests the wrong idea about you and your intelligence, it keeps your drink up off of your precious surfaces. Come on. Hop in the proverbial tub and get your beverage on.
Green Machine Stomach Coaster™
What do I even say about this piece? Are you trying to keep your drink up off your wooden furniture, or are you trying to tell guests that you are a very motivated person indeed?
Predicted to sell soon!The Green Machine Stomach Coaster is part of a set of beverage-squares™ released by electronic music artist Morning Guts, and friend, this little entry has esprit-de-corps on standby.
This is less a coaster than a rallying force in your apartment. Don't feel like getting out of bed and facing that day? The Green Machine has other plans. Go make some coffee, and when it's ready, drop it square on my maw and know that your table top will be protected until you suck down the last life-giving drop! (That's what the coaster says, not me.)
Pastel Fur Stomach Coaster™
Look at it. Look deep into it.
One other person has this in their cart!This here is a beverage-prophylactic™ that wants to do *more* than keep your table-tops safe from remorseless condensation. This one wants to take you on a journey through space and time, to a moment in your life when you were safe inside the bosom of cosmic reassurance.
You don't see it? Maybe you're not looking hard enough. Maybe none of us are. But if you take this little guy home with you, why don't you spend some time wondering? I think you'll be glad you did.
Pink Poly Stomach Coaster™
Alright it's time to have a little fun. A lot of the products in my coaster emporium have a serious air about them. I mean, protecting your table-tops from merciless beads of condensation cascading interminably towards their innocent patinas *is* serious business. But we're not allergic to fun here.
What are you waiting for?Pink Poly has a real mind of its own. The type of coaster you catch in the bathroom during a party conducting a wardrobe change. "Why didn't you lock the door, Pink Poly?" you exclaim. And she just shakes her head. She left the door open on purpose! She's happy you're here, and not just because she needs help with her zipper!
The Pink Poly Stomach Coaster is the only entry in this collection that I would suggest you use with discretion, as it's the drink-disc™ with the highest likelihood of turning a gathering into a bash. Use at your own discretion.
Indigo Spin Stomach Coaster™
We're entering a strange new world, and all we get to take with us is our wits.
Tap gently to purchase!And our beverages! Don't you fret, new friend, the Indigo Spin refreshment-inhibitor™ is here to protect your table-tops from condensation in highly psychedelic fashion. Now I wouldn't normally advocate for psychedelic imagery for fear of endorsing psychedelic behavior, but sometimes you gotta let loose. Sometimes you gotta hang tight to the dragon's tail. Sometimes you gotta shove your head on down and see what's *in* there, am I right?
The next time you and 3 buds are bombing a droptop Cadillac down route 66 destined for Joshua Tree and a wealth of strange new experiences, pull out a foursome of these little devils and make sure everybody's got theirs. Because brother, the last thing you wanna see once you've passed through the doors of perception are unsightly rings on your table-tops!
Mango Sunrise Stomach Coaster™
Now this one here is close to my heart. Two of my very favorite things, mangoes and sunrises, finally setting aside their differences to appear on a drink-disc™ to protect your table tops.
Buy this thing here or regret it forever!I just love seeing former friends like this swallow years of acrimony. I don't know why. It wells up the eyes and fills up the heart. I have one of these models in my own home (protecting my table tops from condensation, you see) and each time I set my life-giving beverage down upon it, I'm reminded of all those relationships in my *own* life I'd love to patch up, if only I could find the time... and the words.
Don't use this guy if you're prone to nostalgia is what I'm saying. Save it for a guest. Or better yet, a bygone friend.
Diagonal Highway Stomach Coaster™
I'm no longer a young man. No, I bequeath that title to those more youthful than I, though that would happen by definition anyway, but I digress.
Buy this. Do it now. NOW!Okay here's the thing. All those times I went and took the long way home? The path less traveled? The dirt road? The little worn pathway that for some reason stops abruptly because those explorers who came before me decided to abandon their quest and turn around for home? I don't regret a single one of them. Not a one.
Yes I've lost friends along those pathways, no patience for their carping "please, can't we just take the regular highway? the one everyone is taking? the sound of gravel against the wheel wells is upsetting the baby." And I may have accrued some miles that will take years off the end of my life. It's also true that I've sort of forgotten where I was going with this. But look at it. Behold. Isn't it colorful? Honestly, look at that coaster and tell me it isn't colorful.
Shimmering Bells Stomach Coaster™
Imagine the sound of little bells tintinnabulating throughout your morning coffee. Sounds pretty magical, doesn't it?
Someone is outside your apartment right now!Well it is. It's magic. And magic isn't real. Do you know what *is* real? The threat of tiny beads of condensation coalescing on your cup's exterior to form a wood-damaging deluge that visits itself upon your table-tops.
But the remedy is here. Before your very eyes. Take this drink-disc™ home with you and promenade throughout your abode with confidence as your drink stands at attention awaiting your safe return. You're not buying a coaster, you're buying peace of mind. Alakazam!
Minty Fresh Stomach Coaster™
What can be said about this little screamer that hasn't already been said one thousand times around my little apartment?
Where are you? Pick up your phone!You know who loves this drink-disc™? It would probably be faster to tell you who *doesn't* love it. And that's nobody.
I've laid over 48 beverages down on this minty little bad boy and every morning there it is again, ready for another day's assignment. I even put a gravy boat down on it last holiday season. It didn't have gravy in it though. I'd run out of cups and my sister's attorney wanted a mint julep. My holiday parties are out of control.
Universe Balls Stomach Coaster™
Have you ever wondered what's out there? Beyond the horizons. On past Jupiter and the other planets whose names escape me now?
I don’t care what else you do but you need to buy this!I haven't. Not even once. I have everything I need right here in my living room. A crackling fire. A wonderful partner. Several pairs of dryer-fresh blue jeans. My posters. Maybe a cat one day. And most importantly, my beverage.
But who's to stop me from setting that cup down on a patented Morning Guts drink-disc™ and letting my eyes linger on a vision of the vast and indifferent cosmos? Is it you? Are you gonna stop me? That's what I thought.
Lavender Ribcage Stomach Coaster™
"Take me down to the lavender stream. Cinch up our tops and roll up our jeans. Picnic together as Heaven intends. All of my days are a treasure to lend.
Someone else has this in their cart and they’re more handsome than you!"Take me down to the lavender river. Take me in summer, take me in winter. I'll play the fool wandered into your parlor. You be the pusher who promises glamor.
"Wade with me into the lavender pond. Papercuts crimson from grasses and fronds. I'll drive you back to the place you live now. Once I've found comfort in lavender boughs.
Marmalade Speckle Stomach Coaster™
I'm gonna be honest with you, times are tough. That's why I've had to phase out of making molar-loosening electronic music and into protecting *your* table tops from remorseless condensation.
Your property ends at the poplars. Keep your nephews out of my gardenias, Claire.Now I told myself when I embarked on this journey "Morning Guts, there's a way to do this stylishly, and there's a way to do it cynically," and I don't think it takes too much studying of the Marmalade Speckle moisture-sheath™ to figure out which path I chose.
Is it a piece of art? Is it a conversation-starter? Is it a gentle reminder of the hard-working souls toiling down at the local canned preserves concern? Truthfully, it's all these things and more, but most importantly, it's part of your home.
Uterine Reverberations Stomach Coaster™
Y'know how they say babies find comfort in the back of loud cars because the engine noise resembles the bassy thrum of their mothers' voices while in utero.
Click to purchase!How metal is that? Honestly. Talkin' 'bout "nothing puts *me* to sleep but a roaring, 8-piston facsimile of the 9 month period I spent INSIDE A PERSON'S ABDOMEN."
I mean honestly what else is there to say here? I'm gonna take the afternoon off to *reflect* player, player.